


Spiritual Awakening

by 2dpie



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23934661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2dpie/pseuds/2dpie
Summary: Monika despises the world she lives in and believes that nothing will ever change that, until anunexpected character in the game manages to do the impossible…
Relationships: Monika/Natsuki (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	1. Sayori's decoding

Monika had truly loved her friends, but being the only one with knowledge concerning the outside world beyond the digital one they lived in had driven her insane to the point where she let her crazy thoughts fuel her actions. Doki Doki Literature club wasn't a normal game and Monika knew this, she had compression over the fact that this world was not the one they were meant to belong in. Her own code made her feel like she was in the wrong body and her state of mind was filled with negative thoughts, memories of a past infused with violence and aggressivity. She would often tend to remember mentions of a third eye which she didn't quite know exactly what it was but it made her shudder and feel like something was incomplete. 

This world of DDLC was incomprehensible, but so easy to manipulate, but she never thought that it would of come to this.  
When he/she first arrived Monika hadn't known what to think. The MC was just a plain male-looking character in the game but she knew that they were being controlled by an outside force. However something in her generalized code in this world made her crave him even if she wasn't given any possible route to be with him. The game made no sense to Monika " WHY WOULDN'T THEY GIVE ME A ROUTE, I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THIS WORLD, THE MC IS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH ME!" she started to scream sporadically as the space around her shifted and changed to show binary and different functions linked to the game. 

She could not believe her non-realistic eyes as she stared at the surrounding environment around her.  
Her friends names encircled Monika's torso as she stared at them diligently, carefully placing her hand on sayori's code, Monika began to formulate a plan in her head, even though it made her feel disgusted in herself ,Sayori spent the most time around the MC as they were practically childhood friends in this world and soon she began to rip apart Sayori's code to shreds as tears pooled down her face and deteriorated in the makeshift then proceeded to find a way out of this strange and unusual place , but just as she noticed a white door that could possibly be the exit ,Monika saw something that shook her to her very core, Sayori's code began to reconstruct itself to the shape of a corpse hanging from a noose as sad music played in the background. Monika started sprinting to the white door as it lead her out of that gruesome scene she had just witnessed.

The next time the MC turned on the game Monika was prepared ,she knew that Sayori would no longer be a part of their world because of her irrationality, it scared her every time the dialogue changed to remove Sayori's name, it wasn't technically Sayori's fault that their stories played out like this and neither was it the MC's.


	2. Yuri's decoding

Monika would go on to constantly blame whoever created this idiotic game as things began to become worse, Monika observed how Yuri would frequently have an abnormal fixation on the MC and soon Monika constantly went on to attentively survey Yuri and what she did when the MC was not looking. 

Monika's observations irked her, Yuri was not the sweet ,caring girl Monika had first thought her to be, Yuri was self conscious and depressed and would self harm and carry a knife with her everywhere she went, but other then that it didn't seem like she would actually harm any of the people around her.  
Monika began to frequent the bizarre world she ended up in the first time she actually deleted one of the essential characters from the game as now Yuri was the one she wanted to terminate. 

The first time had been terrifying for Monika, but she had become accustomed to how this world functioned and if she couldn't have the MC because the creators weren't willing to make her a satisfying character then Monika would make everyone else's lives miserable until she got what she desired. She had learned all the ins and outs of the surrounding area and was even able to access the world wide web to find information on the different types of pills that could make someone act psychotic and amphetamines were her best bet to making Yuri seem unlikeable to the MC's eyes. 

Soon enough Monika started to produce little orange bottles filled with the stimulating drugs she needed for Yuri to turn into the most unsalvageable character possible. The amphetamines were poured into Yuri's code box as it started to glitch and change color ,Monika didn't want to ruin the code as easily as she had for Sayori because the image of Sayori's dead body still loomed in her head.

Monika hoped that this method would be less devastating on her part and wouldn't damage her psyche as much. Yuri soon began to do eerie things such as steal the MC's pen so that she could touch herself with it which made Monika almost want to vomit . 

The day came, when an argument in the club room ended up with both Yuri and the MC alone with each other in the classroom that would eventually end with Yuri speaking of the outlandish things she did when they were by themselves which were irksome and absolutely repulsive. 

Monika knew that whether the MC had said yes or no to Yuri's question about him wanting to be with her the drugs had done their job and went on to cause Yuri to stab herself in two places at once, Monika upon witnessing this quickly locked the door as she didn't want to walk into that room for the fear of having Yuri's limp body imprinted into her memories.


	3. What a horrible life to live

Natsuki was behind Monika at the time Yuri commited suicide and was blinded of the situation at hand.  
“Monika are you alright, you’re shaking, did something happen to Yuri and (Blank)” Natsuki asked in a worried voice,   
Monika swiftly turned around with narrowed eyes,she had completely forgotten Natsuki was there and teleported  
into the game’s code to finally delete her and be rid of everyone once and for all  
but as she stared at Natsuki’s code she felt tears prick at her eyes ,she didn’t know what to do  
so she simply sent her back home through the game’s settings,and removed yuri’s dead body from the classroom.

Natsuki was the only character Monika could not bear to kill as of yet.   
She was the only friend Monika had left and her death would just end up  
making things much worse for Monika’s mental health. However Natsuki hadn’t given Monika   
any reason to muRD...DELETE her for the past few days and actually started to become close friends with her. 

The MC hadn’t been playing the game for awhile,  
so during this time Monika got to establish a friendship with   
Natsuki and the two began to learn more about each other. Apparently Natsuki didn’t have such a great life at home and her father was abusive towards her. 

Monika upon learning this felt a burst of various emotions run through her , sadness, fear, confusion but mostly anger at those who have made everyone’s lives miserable unlike Monika who had just tempered with the others binary in the gameplay. The actual people who produced the game itself created awful stories for all the girls even Monika who was supposed to be known as the perfect girl wasn’t even given a route and worst of all her   
absolutely glamorous lifestyle was stressful on her as everyone assumed she had to be great at everything.

Throughout the endless days without gameplay, Natsuki would also offer to teach Monika   
how to bake as the the two of them prepared her iconic kitty cupcakes and these sweet moments that the two of them shared made   
Monika feel less guilty over the fact that they were missing two of their other members. 

“Hey Monika, since christmas is coming up, I was wondering if you’d like to spend the holidays together ”   
Natsuki asked shyly as she looked up at her, Monika was startled by   
the unexpected question as she stared down at Natsuki’s wide heart-shaped grin, “ I would love that Natsuki”,  
Monika stated as she felt something wet cascade down her face to her open palm   
and soon realized that she had begun crying tears of joy, “ Monika are you alright, why are you crying”   
Natsuki questioned with worry laced in her voice. 

Monika always felt unhappy in this world and then things had gone   
from bad to worse in a millisecond when the gamer arrived and   
Monika had deleted two of her friends because of her crazed obsession with the MC ,   
but now she had Natsuki to comfort her and make her feel like she was finally at peace in a place that she didn’t feel like she could ever call home. 

Natsuki shakily poked Monika’s arm as it seemed to wake her up from the strange trance she was in,   
“ Oh sorry Natsuki, don’t worry i’m fine it's just you made me so happy right now”   
and then Monika proceeded to flung her arms around Natsuki’s torso   
and started to laugh profusely until her loud laughter subdued to giggles and she let go of   
Natsuki to wipe away her tears.Natsuki had a small smile plastered on her face,   
she was glad that she was able to make Monika happy since she always seemed to have   
this sad look in her eyes and it made Natsuki feel upset that Monika couldn’t be her true self around others even her who at least   
in Natsuki’s eyes was her best friend.


	4. Friends forever

Monika wished she could bring back Sayori and Yuri then maybe just maybe they could of all shared these amazing moments in this horrendous game together but Monika knew that even if it was a possibility it would arise too many questions especially from Natsuki, since she was able to forget so easily about her two missing friends because of her and Monika didn’t want to try and find a way to bring back Sayori and Yuri and risk ruining everything that her and Natsuki were able to accomplish as friends.Natsuki and Monika spent so much time around each other that it made Monika joyous that she finally had someone who she could trust, but even she knew that there were some things that only she could know about. If Natsuki ever managed to find out what Monika did to their friends, she would never be able to forgive her and all the wonderful days they got to spend as friends would go down the drain. 

The days kept passing by closer and closer to the holidays and not a single indication that the MC would be returning any time soon and everytime Monika didn’t have to listen to that irritating opening theme whenever the game was turned on made her let out a shaky sigh of relief as she advanced to Natsuki’s house holding a wrapped box in her hands ,she was excited that she could have a friend to have fun with on such a cheerful day as christmas. Monika walked up the steps leading to Natsuki’s front door and knocked waiting to be let in but as soon as the door opened Monika let out a shocked gasp as her present fell from her grasp. 

Natsuki’s face was covered in purple and yellow bruises and tear stained marks were imprinted on her face as she quickly moved her hand upwards to wipe them away before anyone could see but she wasn’t fast enough. “ NATSUKI OH MY GOD” Monika screeched as she carefully placed her hand on the side of Natsuki’s face “D...di.d..your..f.ath.e.r do this to you”, Monika asked as Natsuki slowly but surely nodded her head to Monika’s question. Natsuki was so relieved to see Monika’s face, her father was very upset with her when he overheard Natsuki talking to Monika over the phone about them spending christmas together at her house and Natsuki’s father started yelling profanities and saying that he didn’t want any guests in his house. Yelling soon turned into physical torment as he punched and kicked Natsuki in various places on her body but mostly her face, Natsuki tried to keep her screams of pain in so that he wouldn’t get any more angry with her. Monika then cautiously took Natsuki’s hand and began pulling her forward, “ Monika what are you doing, where are we going”, Monika looked directly into Natsuki’s eyes as she spoke“I want you to have a nice christmas Natsuki ,without worrying about your father coming in any moment and ruining it for you even more than he already did” .Monika dragged Natsuki all the way to her house as they walked hand in hand;The arrival to her house was quite quick as Natsuki adjusted her hold on her hand as it was the only thing keeping her from breaking down from the overflow of emotions. 

Monika wrestled for her keys in her coat pocket as she inserted the house key into the keyhole and opted to slowly open the front door and silently walk in while taking her winter boots off and looked over her shoulder to give Natsuki a brief smile. Natsuki was shaking profusely and her knees buckled as she fell to the floor still holding on to Monika’s hand “Why are you… still here Monika” Natsuki nearly whispered but Monika still managed to hear what she said “What are you talking about”; “I’M TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU’RE STILL MY FRIEND EVEN AFTER I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY PROBLEMS AT HOME ” Natsuki practically wailed at Monika. “I would never leave you Natsuki, you’ve made my world a better place to live in and I would never give that up no matter what”.Monika pulled Natsuki up from her position on the ground and put her arm around Natsuki’s shoulder as she directed them both inside her cozy little home.


	5. What is this feeling?

As the two friends put away their coats and entered Monika’s living room, they couldn’t stop rambling to each other to a make sure that the other person was still there and that this wasn’t some hallucination that they were trapped in. Monika went over to sit down next to the small christmas tree she had propped up in her living space as she starred up Natsuki and motioned for her to sit down. When Natsuki finally managed to sit next to Monika, she noticed that the carpet she was sitting under was a bit scratchy and the color was a light shade of purple mixed in with an unusual blend of orange but otherwise still comfortable to sit on. “ Natsuki,close your eyes”, Monika whispered into Natsuki’s left ear as she waited for her eyes to close so that she could reach for her present and put it in front of Natsuki, “ Ok you can open them now”, Natsuki eyes fluttered open as she took in the sight before her. “ Monika is...is this for me?,” “Well of course dummy who else would it be for” Monika said as Natsuki giggled in response. 

Natsuki grabbed the present and began to unravel the wrapping paper ; inside the box was a light purple dress with ruffles and beautiful purple roses imprinted on it.   
“WOW Monika it's so pretty” but just as Natsuki took the dress out of its cardboard prison , a shiny object fell to the floor “Huh! What’s this?”, there was a golden locket situated right next to Natsuki’s right thigh as she carefully picked it up to see that there was an inscription written on the locket. Right on the center was the letters BFF clearly spelled out for Natsuki to gaze on. 

Natsuki's eyes were glazed over with tears, the gift was so beautiful "Oh my gosh, thank you so much Monika" Monika put her hands up "wait a second, open the locket up", Natsuki looked down at locket and struggled for a few minutes trying to open but eventually got it open and inside was the most precious thing, Monika had put a picture that they took when Natsuki was trying to teach her how to bake inside the small golden locket. The picture showed Monika and Natsuki both covered in flour, hugging eachother and laughing and Natsuki could feel her heart about to burst from the overwhelming joy she felt. 

Monika took in Natsuki's radiant smile and was not prepared for when the pink haired girl pulled her into a side hug, she felt her heart rate speed up, what was this feeling? Natsuki knew that she was starting to develop feelings for Monika it had started off slow but it had been clear that Monika had become more than just a friend in her eyes, although she was certain the other girl didn't feel that way about her. Natsuki remembered seeing Monika taking long glances at the new member of the literature club, when he wasn't looking and it wasn't hard to understand what that meant, it hurt Natsuki that her feelings would never be reciporated but she would take these sweet moments between them even if the two would never become more than friends.


	6. You're too sweet to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika starts to realize a few things

Natsuki almost forgot about her own gift for Monika while the other girl had been calming her down and just being oh so perfect like always. "Oh Monika, I just remembered…" Monika pulled away from the hug , confusion clear on her face as she saw Natsuki digging in her pocket."I um..got you something too", Monika smiled at her friend as Natsuki produced a small box from her jacket pocket and put it in Monika's hand. Monika looked down at the cute little box and opened it to reveal a small gold bracelet. "I guess we both had the same idea when it came to our gifts for eachother" Natsuki spoke up as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Monika quirked her eyebrow in confusion, but when she looked closer at the bracelet she noticed it had a small heart attached to it that said BFF on it exactly like the locket she gave Natsuki. "Aw Natsuki this is so sweet" Monika took the bracelet and put it on her wrist, "Now we match" the club president giggled.

Natsuki blushed, Monika was just so adorable especially now when she was giggling, how was it possible that she just got even cuter. Monika sat up and put her hand down for Natsuki to grab so she could pull her up in a standing position. "Hey what do you say we watch some Christmas movies and I make us some hot chocolate" Monika asked, "um...sure,can you put extra marshmallows in mine"Natsuki said as she went over to sit on the small couch in the corner and turned on the tv. Monika went to the kitchen and as she waited for the milk to heat up on the stove she began to think about her and Natsuki's relationship. Her and Natsuki weren't really close before when Yuri and Sayori were still apart of their little group, but now the two had become best friends and who knows maybe more. " No Monika, Natsuki is your friend, plus what about the MC" she pinched the bridge of her nose, this couldn't be happening , sure Natsuki was really cute and she knew just what to say when Monika was upset and her hugs were so warm and made Monika's heart melt. 

She was getting so flustered that she hadn't noticed the milk was boiling over until she heard Natsuki's voice from the living room "um Monika I think something's burning". Monika quickly snapped out of her train of thought and took the pot and moved it away from the heat of the stove. Natsuki spoke up again "is everything okay, do you need help" she asked, "No, no everything's fine" Monika looked over the pot and thankfully the milk was ok and she could still use it so she took two mugs from the cupboard and began to pour in the milk, cocoa mix and marshmallows making sure to add alot of marshmallows to Natsuki's mug. She went over to sit next to Natsuki on the couch, the tv showing static like always to Monika, but Natsuki apparently was singing along to some tune that was playing on the screen. "Oh hey , looks like you managed to save our hot chocolate huh" Natsuki grabbed for her mug smirking at Monika's red face "heh heh...yeah hope it's to your liking" Monika rubbed the back of her neck and took a quick sip of her hot chocolate not thinking it was still really hot "Ah my tongue!" Natsuki burst out laughing " oh my god Monika I can't believe you just did that HAHAHA!" Monika looked over at the pink haired girl next to her about to tell her to stop making fun of her, but seeing Natsuki laughing with her cheeks all pink and hair all ruffled made Monika's heart skip a beat, what was happening to her?


	7. A sudden realization of feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika starts to realize that this feeling of warmth in her chest might be more than she originally thought

Natsuki ended up falling asleep with her head leaning against Monika's shoulder, it was a nice sight seeing her so relaxed, but Monika herself still felt like it was impossible for her to relax. The player could come back at any second and rip everything away from her and with this new feeling that had just popped out of nowhere, she hope he'd stay away for abit longer just to give her enough time to figure her feelings out. She desperately wanted him to never open his save file on Doki Doki literature club ever again and permanently stay away. She did unfortunately have to face the fact that , that wasn't possible and eventually the player would come back, so for the time being she'd enjoy the time she had left with Natsuki. 

It was sad to think how quickly Natsuki's memories of all their moments together could vanish the second the game was opened and they had to start over from where they left off with Yuri's death, and Monika would have to potentially get rid of her like she had originally planned to do so...no you can't think like that Monika, there has to be another way, but what could she possibly do. The game only allowed the player to end up with one person and Monika had been given no route. If the player chose Natsuki she would end up falling in love with the player and Monika didn't want that to happen, wait what! Why did it matter so much if Natsuki fell in love with the player , Monika should be worried about the player not choosing her. 

However as Monika began to think more about it, it would really bother her if Natsuki suddenly got closer to the player, she's meant to be hers not his!. Wait a second do I... love Natsuki, but I can't! The game would never let me have that kind of relationship with her." Monika looked back down at Natsuki peacefully resting and her heart began to ache, oh why did she have to get a crush on the cute pink-haired girl, it just wasn't fair. 

Monika then remembered she had more control over the game then they developers were aware of, "Maybe I can go into the games files and find a way to change the code to make it so that me and Natsuki can be together and the player can do nothing about it." Now with a sudden rush of confidence, Monika made the door to the game's code appear in front of her. 

I'll fix this for us Natsuki, we'll never have to worry about being separated again, she whispered and before she could chicken out leant down and pecked Natsuki on the forehead and relished in the small smile on the other girl's face. As Monika opened the white door leading to the pixelated room she looked behind her one more time at the girl she had sadly fallen in love with and then closed the door firmly shut.


End file.
